I’m not sure why learning how to talk to women is such a big deal for most guys. We’re fine talking to guys, we’re fine talking to the females in their family but as soon as you add a little sexual attraction into the mix it all goes out the window. I guess it’s the pressure of putting yourself out there and letting someone know you like them in that special way.
Ok so that sounded a little like we’re playing kiss and catch in the 4th grade but oh well.
I think the problem with talking to women is all about how we frame the conversation. If we go into it thinking that this is the most beautiful women in the world and we can’t afford to screw it up then of course there’s going to be a little pressure. I think most guys have a scarcity mentality that believes that if they don’t marry the woman in front of them right now they’ll never meet another one in their whole entire life.
Yes I’m putting it that way to deliberately seem silly… because sometimes the thoughts in our heads around women are totally silly. When we look rationally at the situation we know that there are plenty of women to date. So we needn’t put so much pressure on ourselves when starting a conversation.
Once this pressure is removed I believe things become a lot easier. You’re interactions with women will become more natural because you’re not so hung up on the outcome. Once you can relax and just enjoy the conversation – regardless of where it leads – then you’re really going to see results.
The second part of the problem is what to say. Now I believe this is another stumbling block because no matter what we do we never want to come across like every other guy. That’s just boring and the complete opposite of what we’re going for.
That means you shouldn’t be asking the standard questions about her job, family, favorite color or anything dull like that. You need to have an interesting and fun conversation that will make her want to hang out with you again.
Now I don’t mean to be evasive but the trick to having a good conversation is to talk about nothing at all. So now might be the time to go back and watch those Seinfeld reruns to see how this is done. Basically you just talk about things that come up or happen in the environment around you.
Another part of this is having a collection of stories from your life or the lives of others that you can tell. These come from the interesting and exciting things you’ve done in your life that demonstrate higher value to the woman. You should also be able to tell them in an interesting and exciting way.
Becoming a great story teller is a fabulous life skill and very important for meeting women. Maybe you already are or you know people in your life that can tell great stories. These people keep others engaged and wanting to know more.
A great example of this is stand up comedy. Great comedians know how to tell a story and make people laugh at the same time. They take instances from their lives or things happening in the world and turn them into great yarns.
It can help to practice your own stories so you know how to tell them well. For me I’ve told my stories so many times that they just flow out naturally. This has just developed naturally from telling them over and over again to different people.
You should also watch some stand up comedy and start to study comedic timing. Try to work out why a joke is funny… most of the art is actually in the delivery. That’s why people can try to tell a joke using the exact same words as the comedian yet it falls flat.
Learning how to talk to women and people in general is a valuable skill to have. Being a great conversationalist will get you remembered and will have spill on effects in other parts of your life. It’s definitely a skill worth learning and learning well.